Lately, I have discovered and experienced the trials of older people. Everyone hates to call themselves old. Is 67 really old age? I thought 90 was old age. There seems to be a moment in time when a person’s brain has a switch that flips from youth to “oh dear me!” It is a time when the brain and the body no longer cooperate and work together. The brain gives the same commands for many decades. The body obeys with the vigor and attention of an army private under a general’s command. Then one day for no apparent reason, the switch flips and the body no longer cooperates. The brain is shocked and stares down at a rather rude and disobedient body whose interest do not include previous life commands from the brain. Basically, the aging body has changed from a loved and dependable ally to an independent 13-year-old. The brain’s commands are no longer tolerated. The body would rather do something less challenging or less intense. The body is willing to sit all day in a recliner and stream Instagram or whatever. “Yeah, whatever boss!”
I have fallen as an older adult and realized I had also forgotten how to get up. A young 30 something ran over to easily lift me off the ground and make sure everything was ok. It was all ok. I only needed time in my garden tub of hot water and jets on full to relax and regain my confidence. I reviewed all the Youtube videos about how to get up off the floor.
This year I was doing weightlifting at the YMCA twice a week. Yoga most days to perfect my get off the floor skills. Short cardio dancing videos or stationary biking to Australian trainers to maintain my health and vitality. I was prepared. I was doing everything right. I knew my body needed care and attention. Then there came the day I decided to do a couch25K again.
I did this in younger decades. I have been a runner on and off in my adult life. But this time my brain was eager, and my body was flipping me a finger. On day 2 of training I tripped over my own feet and found myself injured on the ground with no one else in sight. I used all my skills to get up with 2 hands and one uninjured knee and hobbled to the nearest bench. When sitting down, my phone slipped out of my pock and under the bench. I finally retrieved my phone and limped back to my car and drove home.
My left knee was extremely sore, and the pain did not abate after a few weeks. I went and got x-rays. The doctor saw no problems. A few additional weeks I decided to try non-weight bearing chair aerobics and the pain became worse. I made an appointment with a Orthopedic office. They also took x-rays and saw no significant problem. I assured them there was a problem because the pain continued and R.I.C.E. was not improving the problem. They reluctantly agreed to an MRI, even though they did not expect to find anything.
When I returned for the results, the MRI revealed arthritis, a torn ACL, and meniscus tear. At least those are the words I think he said. Basically, this is a situation where knee replacement surgery is required. The only question is when has the pain become serious enough to undergo the surgery and recovery process. I said that time was now. I was no longer able to participate in choir practice due to steps and standing and sitting during practice and services. All were too painful. I regularly required a walker to get around. I would not consider getting down on the floor, getting up on a bicycle or using a leg press machine due to pain.
The surgery was scheduled a few weeks later. I chose outpatient surgery which turned into it’s own story. I would definitely choose inpatient surgery next time. The surgery was actually a blast. The anesthesiologist gave me an epidural for a complete lower body pain block. It caused me to see neon boxes moving around in my head forming windows of hot pink, emerald green, and neon blue. I wanted to tell the people in the surgery room what I was seeing. Though I could hear murmuring, I was no longer sure anyone was touching me. Absolutely the best drug induced experience of my life. I’ve only had three surgeries, and a few colonoscopies. This epidural was the best.
The doctors and other medical personnel were wonderful. I recovered well over the next few months. My range of motion was good. My use of pain killers was minimal. Friends were kind enough to chauffer me to regular PT. I was able to drive myself to choir and participate with all the sitting and standing. But my body was not satisfied. Now I have endured five falls with two including broken kneecap. It’s the same right knee, which originally hurt.
For reasons I don’t understand after several good months of recovery my legs are just not working properly. I fell and broke a kneecap while putting on sketchers and turning toward the bathroom. One night I woke at 11:30pm and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. My right knee buckled and it felt as if a footballer tackled me and threw me to the floor. I screamed and finally called 911 because I could not get up due to pain. Yes, the ever-famous line, “I fell and can’t get up.” I spent 2 weeks unable to lift my right leg into bed without screaming due to pain.
The first fall was 3/10/2026. I’ve experienced ongoing pain since then. I currently drive occasionally. I am off PT until the doctor clears me to return to PT after the second kneecap break. I bought a rollator because I am afraid to walk without assistance. I’ve considered returning to the YMCA but cannot quite commit to it yet. The YMCA has seated elliptical and bike which it totally non-weight bearing. But trying to maneuver into the seat seems tricky.
Due to the pain, I could not accept two solo performances, I could not stand on stage or even walk to the stage. But I chose to continue the good fight. My new Bible verses are these.
Isaiah 50:4-5
4 The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue,
to know the word that sustains the weary.
He wakens me morning by morning,
wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.
5 The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears;
I have not been rebellious,
I have not turned away.
Isaiah 50:7,9.
Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
and I know I will not be put to shame.
9 It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me.
Who will condemn me?
They will all wear out like a garment;
the moths will eat them up.
There are so many people in the world and in my community who face greater obstacles than aging bodies. I refuse to let this stop me. I am committed to regaining my strength and balance if God is willing. If HE is not willing, I will continue writing and singing from a chair or bed. I do not intend to be overly dramatic, but there is just something about age and pain which leads to stopping and recliners. But my brain is not ready to stop and rest. I have too much yet to do. I have said many times in my youth, “I plan to live until I die!” Now it is more than arrogant or sarcastic words of youth. It is a challenge and I accept the challenge. I will not stop. I will continue.
Daniel 3:17-18
17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”